...Life Goes On

 

Sorry I have been gone, things start looking up for us and then you hit rock bottom again. Last month we received some news that no parent wants to hear, our daughter may have autism. She has an evaluation later this month and since her initial evaluation, she has started speech therapy once a week. She was diagnosed with apraxia of speech and she is doing amazing on the program they started a few weeks ago. I feel like things were just starting to get better with my husband. He has started weekly therapy appointments and things were feeling "normal". Our county also has a special education class that is part of the public school system. We are going in later this month to see if she is eligible for the classes they offer. I would hate to see her go to school so early, but I know it would be the best thing for her.

Right now we are working on learning her all over again, she is an amazing and such a smart brilliant little girl. She knows her ABC's and 123's. She has also started writing her name, even though she has never said her name before. 

Also, the other night while we were turning out her lights for bed, she said the most amazing sentence that I have been waiting to hear for my whole life, "I love you MOMMY!". Yes I cried and kept asking her to tell me she loved me again and again until she finally said "Mommy, I night-night".

I love her so much!

Breakfast with Santa

We took the kids to eat breakfast with Santa on the first, it was so amazing. Miss A really enjoyed meeting Santa, finally. The first year she is actually going to remember him. She had a blast wearing her new dress that she picked out. This is defiantly going to be a family tradition.

I'm Back

So after taking some time off of blogging and working out, I am back. We have gone through so much as a family these past two months. With all the stress I was under I wasn't making good choices and losing weight was very difficult. I ended up gaining back 20 pounds in a matter of weeks and then added some extra on. Its very hard knowing that I am back where I started but it is my own fault and I just have to suck it up and start again.

My husband is on the right track, he is going to all of his therapy appointments but things are really hard. I am not going to lie, PTSD sucks. What hurts me the most is knowing that my husbands dreams of becoming a police officer, just flew out the door. That was his 5 year goal, to buy a home and become a police officer. My heart breaks for him, he is struggling so hard to not push us further than he has. One of the things with PTSD is that they feel so alone and even though they have family from all directions supporting them, they push them further and further to be alone.

I ordered a book tonight, I read a review off of the website and I just knew I had to get it. I really hope this helps me understand PTSD without the doctors terminology. I need to understand everything that I possibly can to help him. I wish I could do more, its just so hard.

Motivational Monday

So I was sent an email the other day telling me that my husbands health is just as important as mine. This past month I have been so focused on my husband and just gave up on myself. I gained back majority of the weight that I worked so hard to get off. I do this to myself a lot, I will lose 10+ pounds and then end up back to where I started. I am so frustrated with myself for continuing this cycle. My husband is supporting me but I feel like I need to do more for him rather than myself. He is going through so much more than I am, I just don't know how to support him through this except to put myself on the back burner and put all my extra strength into him and my children. I have been emotionally and physically exhausted. When I workout I feel so much better, I have more energy and I think clearly...I know what I have to do.

Maybe my good mood will help me, help my husband?

Invisible Wounds.

So I have taken a break from blogging for a bit for personal reasons. After our move things started going down hill for our family of four. If you have read my blog or know our family personally you would know my husband was an Infantry Marine, he has been out for close to two years now. He served two combat tours, one in Iraq and another in Afghanistan. Since he got back from his last deployment he hasn't been the same. He was not the guy that I fell in love with but I still loved him as much as the day I married him, even though he has been changed forever.   

*please if you know us personally, don't think of our family any differently. 

If you think you may, then stop reading. 

After he returned home from Afghanistan he was severely depressed. When he wasn't working he was sleeping. We never went anywhere and when we would, it turned into a huge argument on how many people were around and him not wanting to go inside. Nine times out of ten, he would shut down and leave me in the middle of the store alone...

"Broken by battle,

Wounded by war,

I love you forever,

To you this I swore:

I will quiet your silent screams,

Help heal your shattered soul

Until once again, my love, you are whole."

-Battling Bare

  

My husband was diagnosed with PTSD
and our lives have been forever changed.  

*I may write more about what has been going on but for now this is it. So I am sorry if I am absent for a few days to weeks at a time. I still haven't given up on my personal goals, my husbands health is just more important.   

Internet

Well, we've moved and are almost settled. Just a few more boxes that we need to unpack. We don't have internet yet, we have to get it before the hubster goes to school in two weeks, but for now we are using our phones. Cell phone service isn't very good where we are so I can't write as much as I wish. I hate not having internet, all of my recipes are on pinterest and it takes 30 minutes to load a page...i think we will end up getting a new service provider. I can't bring myself to pay close to $140 bucks for phones we can't use!

Anyways, the McDonalds about a mile down the road has free WiFi so maybe I will walk over there to to post?

Here are a few things that has happened...
Little man has started full on crawling,  right in the middle of the move. He was crawling a little but he is speed crawling now!
Little Man has also gotten TWO teeth! I think he may be cutting another, he slept horribly last night. He was up every two or three hours. He is also spitting up a lot more than his normal so I think the doctor is going to need to adjust his medication. Poor thing.
Miss A knows her numbers and counts to five, she is also doing a really good job with her letters and is practicing writing (tracing) them.

I Slap Myself in the Face Every Morning

  ...not literally, but here lately I have found myself obsessing over the numbers on the scale. I go on a binge some days because it just slaps me in the face, every.single.day. I am an emotional eater and I need to stop this. Sometimes I step on the scale multiple times per day like its going to change or something. So I am going to step on it only once a week. I could also be eating better and I know that I am not doing everything that I can do to lose weight, so its a double slap. I have so many meals planned for when we move. I can't wait to get my pots and pans out and cook an actual meal. The, "use whatever is in the house so we don't have to move it", is getting kinda disgusting. Which are things that we would have moved with us and they would be in the pantry so its better to get it all out in two weeks rather than eating it when I am doing really good...right?